Hey everyone!
For the past week we were doing descriptive writing on a girl falling down a tunnel. First we wrote a plan and then we wrote the 5 feelings, smell, see, feel, feel (emotions) , taste and hear (I think I got all of them) Here is my story it's not perfect so if you have any things that could I fix tell me!
Heres my writing
I was going for my daily walk around the block when I saw something in the corner of my eye. I looked to my left and saw a mysterious sparkle in the trees. My curiosity got the better of me and I found myself walking towards it. Before I could reach it the ground below me crumbled open and I fell into it. Suddenly I was falling down a tunnel.
I saw the beam of light from my world fading away. The cold, stale air pushed against my body. My arms reached out trying to get a grip on something, anything! But the dirt and rocks gathered in my hands and slowly disintegrated soon after. The panic got to me, where was I falling too? What is at the bottom? The deeper I fell the more I got used to my surroundings.Seeing nothing but the light from above fading away. Then I heard voices, multiple voices and before I could listen in BANG! I smashed into the ground.
Dust filled my mouth and a terrible smell pushed past me. The light above me had completely faded away and I was staring into nothing. I felt numb and still. I finally got the courage to get up. I got up but then I tripped on a piece of wood and suddenly I was falling again. This time I was falling past miles and miles of bookshelves reappearing then disappearing, again and again. I felt like I had been falling for decades. My life was flashing before my eyes.
Hi Amelia,
ReplyDeleteYou certainly have painted a really good picture in your story, good use of the senses too. I wondered if you could perhaps start your sentences with something rather than 'I'..but, otherwise pretty cool - I did enjoy reading it & thought there could be a chapter two.
Thanks Amelia!